I love reading article at Elite Daily. And this is one of the many good article I read. Just reblogging as a reminder to myself…something to keep in mind when putting myself out there for a potential guy. 🙂
For years, we’ve talked about finding the right woman — someone we can rides the waves of life with, who will stand by our side for better or for worse.
As a man, committing to The One is among the most important decisions we make in life; some may even argue it is the most important.
The woman we decide to share our world with is the one who will mother our children, help us plan life, pick us up when we’re down and make us better men than we are right now.
But, what does the right woman look like in our eyes?
For years, women have been sharing what they want in men, but there’s this widely-held stereotype that all we want is the so-called “trophy wife.” I don’t agree with that notion.
You see, there’s so much that should go into deciding whom to share your life with — characteristics, in a sense, that stand the test of time.
So, what is it we men want in a woman?
Catching up on some of the old recap “Ask Steve” show. His info seem helpful from one of the show that a lady ask about how to spot a cheater and the advise below is Steve’s response. Rather spotting a cheater, figure out if you’re the one because if you’re the one, he will not cheat.
Figure out if you’re the one:
You’re the jackpot in the relationship. Quit proving yourself to the man, let him prove himself to you.
- If he does not response to your needs, or concerns, you are not the one. A man who wants you, listen to you because he loves you.
- If the man hurts your feelings, repeatedly, and he offers no fix for that, then you’re not the one. What man wants to hurt somebody he love, repeatedly and intentionally same way over and over again?
- If he is not willing to make any changes, then you’re not the one.
“A woman changes a man into the man he suppose to be…. if you’re not the one, leave, before he cheat. You are the ticket. You’re the whole deal!” ~ Steve Harvey
Source: full recap video
Mus ua Nyab or “the life of a daughter in law” is never easy in the Hmong culture; especially if you are married into a traditional family. There are high expectation from your in-law as well as relatives and the requirement that a woman needs to fulfill within the culture. Hmong along with other Asian race are very close net and family orientated.
This June during Father’s Day, I did not spend the weekend with my own family. I decided to spend the holiday with his family. This is the second time I have met and spend time with his family. (He and I broke up since October of last year. Since then we have reconnected off and on… and taking our time to work things out with one another. Everything between him and I seem like it’s been going well so I agreed to spend the weekend with his family.) I can said that being a outside person to a family is a challenge for me and I think that it always will. I do not know how other “Nyabs” or daughter-in-laws do it but I have awkward moments like: don’t know where to sit, how do I help them out with cooking, and every where I stand, I feel like I was getting in the way. Aside from my awkward thoughts, I did have a great time with his family. They were welcoming and kind. In addition, he was very attended to me; making sure I don’t feel alone or left out. It’s possible that since I have not spend much time with them, I still feel uncomfortable around his family.
While at their house, I send texts to my two married sisters (my older sister just got married this past May, 2014) and mentioned to them how they were able to be married and live with just that one man for the rest of their lives like this. Because I have awkward moments and I am struggling to get custom to the family. As sweet as they are, they text me back with advise. They said that you just get used to the bf/husband’s family and relatives once you start to mingle and see them often. I was still not convince by their words because seem like a strange world and I do not know anyone beside him. My replied to them was that I am not sure if I will want to take the marriage path because I don’t want to leave my family and be among others who I do not know at all. Also told them that I am willing to pay the “bride price” for the guy to be a “nyab” to me ( jokingly…lolz) and move away from his family. My two sister laugh and text back that it is impossible and not part of our Hmong custom. Hmong son will not leave their parents and roots to be a “nyab”.
It is sad but it’s true. Most sons in the Hmong culture will not do that; leave their family and relativse to lived with the girl’s family. This is because the family believe sons are the one who will carry the family name. This go back to the taboo that most Asian races/groups practice, wanting to birth sons only. However, will leave that to another blog topic discussion on it’s own.
How is it like for you during your first visit with your significant other’s family? Any awkwardness or uncomfortable moment? How do you overcome it? Any inputs definitely will allow some insight into the journey of a daughter-in-law.
… love isn’t an emotion or even a noun. It’s a verb. Better defined as giving. As putting someone else’s needs above your own. – Popchassid
Source: I didn’t Love My Wife When We Got Married
I agreed with Popchassid on the above statement. I believed that love is not only an emotion but also served as giving. We must be willingly to give more with nothing or less expected in return. As I got older and my ages kept increasing, my mind change with time. I also feel the same way — when we really love someone, we should not be afraid to put their needs above our own. When we can really do this, it is love. We wants the best for the other person, we want them to get what they wants and dream off. We want to be able to be their back bone and walk next to them through the rough time; ensuring that everything will be okay at the end of the tunnel.
Popchassid has a great article regards to L O V E. And how he was able to understand what love is in his own thought and mind; what it takes to really love a person when we said the word “I Love You.” As he mentioned in his article that those three words has been taken for granted at time and sometime we said them so often that we really don’t know if we really love the other person sincerely enough to know what L O V E really is.
Click on the source link above to read more on Popchassid’s article.
♥ ♥ ♥ —> “I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. You’re just lovable. Wanna hold you…keep you safe and warm. That’s the way you should be treated… I want to be the first and last. I’ll be there to make sure you’re ok…Mmm, I don’t know what the future holds… but I do know that I want to be at your side…Mmm, I choose you regardless. Baby, I’m the lucky one…We’re just right for each other… It’s scary, I know. Fearing that it might be too good to be true. One step, one day at a time. One minutes with you is better then two without you. There are many girls out there, but one you. And that’s who I want…”
So he text me afterward… after we spend the late afternoon into the evening shopping for his little cousin’s birthday.
I got two messages today…one via text and one via facebook from two different married men…guys who I used to know and somewhat has the hot for me but now is married…lolz
I replied back that “Married man shouldn’t be texting/messaging me”. The one via text seem to come to an understand and said “U’re right! It’s wrong of me to ask how you are doing.” …and… the one via facebook response to the same statement with this “Everytime I ask you a question you always seem to tsab tsab ntse.”
Seriously? lolz… Yes I am smart! U should be glad that I am or else I woulda be one of those cheap chick and screw up ur marriage life for you then leave u in the middle of ur mess and divorce. Be thankful that I am a woman of my own honor and I told u the rightful things NOT to do.
I dnt care if we are still friends or not but if you are married, don’t freakin text or message me because I am not fond of married men!!! If you dont stop urself from doing what you do, it will become a habit and not good for ur health, relationship and marriage. Dnt give the wife a doubts when you and her are on a good term. Cause us woman, if we are in doubts, the love will slowly fade away and it’s NEVER EVER gonna be the same! I respect you and the woman in your life. I wouldn’t want my future husband to be texting/messaging some old flame of his either. Therefore, don’t take my statement in a negative way but think in term that I did this for the good of you.
Someday, when you realized and understand the mind set where I am coming from with this…Don’t forget to thanks me for it.
Txhua hnub, hauv kuv lub neej thiab txoj kev taug—kuv xav tias hnub twg mam li muaj tseeb. Txhua hnub, kuv siv kuv lub sijhawm muaj nuj nqis heev. Txhua hnub dhau lawm zuj zus, lub siab xav tias cia kuv ua ib tug neeg siab tawv. Txhua hnub, kuv rau rau siab rau kuv tus kheej, yeej yuav muaj hnub ntawv los txog. Txhua hnub, kuv mob siab rau txoj kev khwv. Txhua hnub, kuv mob siab rau txoj kev kawm. Txhua hnub, txoj kev kawm yuav qhia kuv los ua ib tug neeg ntse, kom yog ib tug neeg muaj tswv yim nrog rau lub peev xwm. Txhua hnub, kuv kho kuv tus kheej kom kuv pauv los ua kom tau ib tug neeg zoo. Txhua hnub, kuv muaj txoj kev ntseeg rau txhua yam yuav los tom ntej no. Txhua hnub, txhua yam kuv ua no yog kuv ua rau koj thiab kuv. Txhua hnub, txhua yam kuv ua no yog kuv ua rau wb lub neej yav pem suab. Txhua hnub, kuv lub siab lub ntsws xav ntsoov txog koj. Txhua hnub, kuv tuav kuv lub siab no tos koj. Txhua hnub, lam koj paub li kuv paub es koj hom yuav xav li cas. Txhua hnub, kuv muaj kev cia siab. Txhua hnub, kuv muaj kev ntseeg tias yeej yuav muaj tseeb. Txhua hnub, txhua hnub, txhua hnub…